| Signing off |
[May. 28th, 2007|08:39 pm] |
"I exist, perhaps, to mock
Hearts of steel and those of rock
Whose armor envy I, in sooth,
(But could never, tell the truth,
Emulate with quaint perfection)
'Til there came a hard selection
Of those fit to live a life
Emptied out of fear and strife
Then the actor deep within
Might be tempted for to sin
To wear a mask without remorse
In order to reflect the source
Of that which I was never ever meant to be
This is me"
The above filled my 'about me' section on facebook for a while, and will perhaps do so again once I return from the far north country. For now, it shall reside here in my final post of the summer before Barakel.
I'll be gone for 11 weeks. What happens between now and then is a complete mystery to me and just about everyone else involved. To speak honestly, I'm not even sure that I quite understand why it is that I'm going to do this thing.
While packing this morning I was suddenly struck by a thought. A thud, *groan* and scrambling of feet later, I carefully studied the suddenly immobile thought and determined it to be of the "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!?" variety. However, since this type of thought generally precedes the very best of my adventures, I patted its panic-stricken little head and sent it away.
After all, who am I to say 'no' to an adventure?
---Lithwen signed off on May 28 at 08:49:10pm |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 19th, 2007|09:54 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  content | ] |
Home. Home, home, home, home, home!!! I won't be here long, of course, but that makes the visit twice as sweet. Nine more days. Long enough to visit my favorite places, see old friends, eat meals with the family and perhaps create a story or two before heading off to the Big adventure of the summer.
Barakel. It's farther north than I originally thought, though at this point a couple hundred miles doesn't really count for much. The only practical way to get there is by plane, which means my prayer life is in for an energy boost. We, the other counselors and I, get there early because the training session is two weeks long. Two weeks!! What could there possibly be to learn that will take two weeks to drill through our heads? Actually, I think I might know, and the thought has me shying away from any further contemplation. Curse Joan. Yes, she's useful, but in situations like these she becomes a liability.
I am looking forward to it, truly. In the way that one might approach a large, dark door leading to a place that has every probability, but no promise, of being wonderful and filled with light, so do I look forward to this summer. It's not fear, per se, just caution.
He misses me. Dear lord. How does one react to such a thing? I'm not sure that I remember. Having only just recently recalled the stability that comes before all of this...No matter. There are three months and many, many adventures to discover before having to sort out anything like this again.
What shall we do today? Let's enjoy the sunshine. Run through the fields, perhaps. Swing across the little rain-driven ravine and back again. After all, this is Halifax. E'en be I the only one to say it, it's good to be home. |
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| Study break |
[May. 16th, 2007|12:23 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bittersweet | ] |
The last Tuesday of freshman year. I'd like to claim perfect cheer, but it wouldn't be entirely true. I've said goodbye to many friends today, at least four of whom I may not see again. One of those is going active duty in the army. Bidding him farewell felt like trying to grasp the wind. He bade me eat, be of good cheer, and to never stop singing. Silently, I bade him live.
Anyhow. Today was also the birth of two new stories: Swimming the Sandbar and The Great Stinkbomb Attack That Wasn't. Perhaps I'll pen, or at least give brief explanation of, them later. For now, there is at least one left to bid farewell tonight and even more tomorrow.
Gah, I cannot concentrate. The studying is not going well. Michigan in twelve days. Home tomorrow. Linguistics exam in eight hours. |
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| creative writing |
[May. 10th, 2007|11:24 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | amused | ] |
secondratefool: would you be interested in the simultaneous consumption of sustaining organic materials around the time when the Sunday makes no shadow?
Gwirithel: sure
Gwirithel: though, did you mean to type "sunday?"
secondratefool: doy
secondratefool: gaim does text replacement
secondratefool: I can change it if I want
secondratefool: which I will
secondratefool: now that I realize that occasionally I will use the word *sun* by itself
Gwirithel: indeed
Gwirithel: it is a useful term to have available
secondratefool: especially when trying to drag out the question "lunch at noon?" as long as possible
Gwirithel: aww, it could have gone longer than that
Gwirithel: "might ye be interested, nay, say even intrigued, in the proposition of joining me on a quest for those gifts which mother earth hath lovingly bestowed on us through her servants in the field by the blessings of the great and glorious Lord on high as the glowing orb of that chariot which Phaethon rode to his doom reaches the pinnacle of its ascent into the heavens before plummeting back to rest on the horizon?"
secondratefool: always one-upping me, Skelton
Gwirithel: eheheheheheh
Gwirithel: I win |
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| 21.5 |
[May. 7th, 2007|07:54 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  "chill" | ] |
From 9:30am yesterday to the present I have:
-chased the church bus barefoot, grinning with delight at passersby
-had lunch at the Green Leafe with Ballroom club
-substituted a trip to Ben and Jerry's for a movie, also with Ballroom
-injested a substance called "Triple Caramel Chunk"
-read stories about "angels" in Barnes and Noble
-taken a one hour nap
-read and discussed philosophy at the apartment
-consumed a Philipino-ish dinner
-read God in the Dock by C.S. Lewis
-stalked kids with a guitar into the woods at night
-found out that said kids are the local stoners
-observed said kids getting high
-sung pop songs with high kids on a dock overlooking Matoka
-counted stars with an Asian kid who was holding a bong
-run into a friend at 1am
-discussed society, theology and church politics with said friend until 5:20am
-gone out to watch the sunrise
-watched a bunny rabbit munch clover in the early morning dark
-watched a cat watch the bunny
-gotten nearly frostbitten toes
-whooped for joy when the sun finally (finally) peeked over the horizon
-scared the construction workers pretty badly
-eaten a large breakfast
Stayed awake for a total of 21.5 hours. I hear 24 is difficult to recover from. Ultimate starts in eight hours. If I sleep now...yeah, I can make it.
Heheheh...a Cagian 4'33" |
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| Prayer and reality |
[May. 6th, 2007|06:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
I find it odd that after almost three full days of celebrating and merry-making, the newest experience that resonates loudest in my skull is not the partying, movie-watching, or even the vast intaking of sugary substances. Call it the day, call it nostalgia, but for some reason, I can't seem to stop thinking about prayer.
This thought process would make a great deal more sense, dear reader, if you could see the journal that I take my sermon notes in. You see, every now and again (i.e. when the sermon has become dull) those notes on whatever the pastor is saying become a kind of written prayer, usually consisting of my thoughts (questions/fears/doubts/angers/etc.) on the most pressing issues of the day. I tend to consider said prayers a type of journaling, a way to keep track of whatever is going on in my life at the time.
Today I got bored again. Instead of writing another prayer, though, I went back and read the archives. That reviewing of recent personal history was...eye-opening, shall we say. As I read, a kind of "line of reason" began to appear between each of the entries. Sometimes it took a second reading to catch the key words, but the happenings between each subsequent prayer somehow managed to answer a previously asked question, even as new problems and fears arose. I found prayers from three months ago begging answers that are now as concrete as the sidewalk outside. At the time of writing such knowledge or perfect synchronization seemed impossible. Perhaps it still is.
The point is, you can call it whatever you want, but there are things in that journal and others written in my own hand during periods of total lucidity that I could have had no way of affecting that somehow worked out exactly as I asked that they would or (as is more often the case) better than I could have arranged.
Hanging around Southern Baptist types you hear of people's "Puh-rayers bein' An-swered" pretty often. I used to smile and hope that they were right. Today I saw it happen, just a little, in the narrative of me. You want a weird sensation? Just keep your eyes open. I'm willing to bet that if it happened to me (and I tend to keep a watch out for these types of things) it happens to other people all the time. I just wonder that more of us don't notice it sooner.
Which brings me to the discussion of the table and reality...but perhaps that can wait...it feels like sleepin' time... |
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| Still alive |
[May. 2nd, 2007|12:12 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
So, apparently I haven't updated in a while. Tsk. Bad self.
Sadly, the habit isn't about to change much. There is a great deal that I could complain about, only half of it real and less than half of that truly problematic, and a great deal more that I cannot complain about whatsoever. Overall, this strikes me as a very good thing. If the homework that is due tomorrow gets done on time, my life (for this semester, anyhow) will be complete. Exam week is coming, true, but I have only 2 exams and 2 weeks to take them in. Let the merriment ensue!
Mainly, I'm trying to figure out how to balance what needs to be done with what should be done and what I want to do. Lately "want" has won out the most often, leading me to believe that "should" should be attended to more dilligently. But that is neither here nor there. Suffice it to say that for the moment life is good, if a tad uncertain. What will I do this summer? What major will I declare by the end of next fall? Does he really care or has my imagination gone screwy again? Are sprinkles really edible? How much ice cream can I eat before getting truly sick? Where -did- that money come from???
Two more weeks and freshman year is over. |
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| Philosophy for a birthday |
[Apr. 20th, 2007|01:05 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | happy | ] |
Due to a semester of observation and research in combination with more recent happenings, I am increasingly convinced that the "best things in life" tend to occur when one is not looking for them.
This hypothesis presents the philosopher with a problem and a query: 1. I am almost constantly aware of my surroundings and situations (read "looking for them") and 2. Isn't guarding against this "lookout" tendency itself a type of watch-keeping? That is to say, being an intensely social introvert and thus always on the watch for new developments in my own life and the lives of others, do I doom myself to being almost impossible to "surprise with joy?"
Apparently not so, for today went very well, very well indeed. Of course, a good deal of that was my own doing, an intentional changing of schedule for celebratory purposes. Still, I couldn't have done it all myself. *sneaks a look at the sky* Sometimes it's difficult to tell which of us is working at what and when. That there is a trick to doing it well, I am certain. What that trick is, I have not yet (quite!) determined. In whatever case,
Happy 19th of April, everyone. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 15th, 2007|05:01 pm] |
Huzzah!!
The worship set came together not-exactly-flawlessly but well enough to count. Saturday was awesome and filled with the riding of horses, taking of naps and partying with the youth group of old. Sunday wasn't quite as fun, but still worth going to.
And now I'm homesick again. No good thing without cost, I suppose. |
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| A snow-white...Easter? |
[Apr. 7th, 2007|12:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | 500 Miles | ] |
It's the day before Easter and I'm watching snow flakes whirl past my window like a tourist group of fairies that have somehow gotten lost on their way to the North Pole. An amusing, pretty and rather inconvenient surprise.
Is it wrong that for some reason I miss you all horribly today? Perhaps it's the snow. Maybe it's those blasted pictures from last year that Ricky posted on Facebook. Whatever it is, know that I'm thinking about you today. *hugs*
Let's see each other soon, ok? |
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| "Let us have a very evil huddle..." |
[Apr. 4th, 2007|01:21 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | amused | ] |
Is it bad that merely looking at a page on Linguistics homework right now makes my eyes blur into the misty realms of sleep? Should I, could I afford to miss the morning class tomorrow to do it then? Oh, indecision.
The new Assassins immunity is to be wearing sunglasses. At all times. Everywhere. I even managed to find a pair before midnight. This immunity has so many wonderful possibilities for mind-gaming, if only I could stop laughing after each person walks by. My face is tired from all the jumping between the serious assassin face to hysterical giggling!
Aww, screw it, I'll get up early tomorrow and do it then. After all, it's just Beethoven. |
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| Pain |
[Apr. 1st, 2007|12:54 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
It has so many uses. Last night it vented rage, and one volleyball in particular will never be the same. Tonight it serves to assure me that the dancing did in fact happen. For two hours in heels made for dancing. Happiness.
There are, of course, other shades of the emotion. We even use it as a term for entirely different categories of feeling. Getting catcalled on my way to the dance, for example. One might call it "painful" when what one meant to say was "awkward and annoying." Then again, there is the faint twinge that comes when you realize you've been stupid and annoying. When what seemed like a good idea at the time turns out to have gotten on people's nerves. Most especially when the realization hits two minutes too late to do anything about it. And people wonder why I choose to dissociate.
Nevertheless, the dancing was good. It really was. I just need to remember not to open my mouth for any purpose other than food and drink. As for everything else, well, that's why they invented body language. |
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| For the amusement of all |
[Mar. 22nd, 2007|05:39 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | amused | ] |
So, it turns out that it's a bad idea to go to sleep with a book under your head if your sleeping place happens to be a tree suspended over a large body of water. "But why?" I hear the reader think distractedly to him or herself. "What evil thing could possibly happen in such a safe, scenic spot?" Plenty of things, dear reader, could happen. You might, for instance, accidentally drop the book. It might even be a library book. And what, reader dear, would be your reaction to such an evil happening? That's right. You would feel obliged to jump in after it.
Let's say that this feeling of obligation is so strong that you find yourself almost instantly in the same water that the precious library book has so recently fallen into whilst under your care. Let us think, for an instant, what the temperature of this suddenly inconvenient water might be like in early spring. Let us further suppose that this water is murky, and populated with hordes of turtles. Have you got it? Excellent. Now add a strong wind blowing you away from the tree and the book away from you. Good. Now...swim.
The author did, of course, survive. However, since she is now rather soaked to the skin, cold and very slimy, she is going to leave you to chortle at her duty-inspired distress while she goes in search of a very hot shower. |
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| It's been a while |
[Mar. 16th, 2007|09:26 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Carbon Leaf | ] |
To clear up any minor confusion, I'm home in SoBo right now. About a half hour after posting the last entry, it was decided that the most reasonable course of action was for me to come home for a few days, a decision that resulted in me running/jumping around the empty dorm building alternately laughing, cheering and, yes, squealing like a kid on Christmas morning. (Frightening, I know. Don't panic, it ended quickly.) Guess after so much visiting of other people's families in DC, all I really wanted was to see mine for a while.
Anyhow, first day home I found myself upstairs and rhyming. The result blends a bit of home and a bit of 300. Not my best work, but it's comforting to be writing again.
( Read more ) |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 14th, 2007|11:35 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  energetic | ] |
Ok, I fully realize that these results are scientifically unsound, the test skewed and the assumptions made far too general. Nevertheless...you'd better believe this made me laugh.
| You Are 80% Boyish and 20% Girlish |
You have a tough exterior - and usually a tough interior to match it.
You're no nonsense, logical, and very assertive.
Sometimes you can't understand women at all, even if you're a woman yourself.
You see things rationally, and don't like to let your emotions get the best of you. |
In other news, the DC trip was much fun. We visited many places, none of them twice, and I still feel like we've only scratched the surface of all there is to do (for free!) in said city. The more interesting experiences include:
-climbing (and almost falling out of) an ancient tree in front of the Washington Monmument
-walking in the Reflecting Pool (it was drained)
-the "poop" video in the Natural History museum
-posing like a T-Rex in the same museum (for pictures which may be found on your facebook minifeed)
-literally bumping into Israeli body guards in the Holocaust Museum (man, they were big. And serious.)
-standing in a bread line with five old men made of bronze
-eating Phoh (Vietnamese noodle dish...other than the 'soft tendon' it was pretty good)
-drinking Iced Salted Lemonade (yich), Iced Salted Plum (like seawater but worse), Young Langdon in Iced Light Syrup (yum! double yum!), and Young Cocunut in Ice Water (tastes like coconut-flavored bread)
There were other things like waking up at 5:30am to stand in line for an hour in order to get tickets to go to the top of the Washington Memorial (things like that were a lot more fun before 9-11 happened), but it is now past noon and I'm still in my pajamas surrounded by a lot of silence. It's time to do something...interesting. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 3rd, 2007|05:02 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Korean pop - it's pretty good | ] |
I'd just like to point out that my skill at impromptu, vaguely believable costuming is growing ever stronger. It must be, because I have just created a most amazing '70s-costume-out-of-non-'70s-material. The only sad thing is that it doesn't glow in the dark, and I look good in it. *hangs head in defeat* A flower child I? No one would have ever believed it. (Actually, I'm not wearing any flowers. Shells, beads and wacky prints, but no flowers. Wonder if anything is in bloom right now?)
Yes, dear reader, I do have a reason beyond the average shade of insanity that colors my daily living. IV is hosting a "decades" dance tonight. I briefly considered the '80s, but the free costume materials that I have lying around screamed "HIPPY!" so I went with it. It'll be fun to see everyone's faces. With the hair down and contacts in (hippies don't wear glasses, silly, unless they're round and colorful), I think a few of them are in for a bit of a shock. XD
Someone recently declared that I seem to "enjoy messing with people's heads." It's sad but very, very true.
Wonder what my hallmates will think if I practice swing dancing in hippy garb in our hall? Let's find out...
Post Script: The costume won "best in decade." The prize was a DVD edition of Saturday Night Fever. I'm excited. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 25th, 2007|11:59 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | drained | ] |
The last post was in reference to having found out that for one reason or another, either God or the College of William and Mary (or both) have deemed it not possible for me to be an RA next year. I was (am) pretty upset by this, since I was really hoping to get a position to help pay for my tuition, etc. However, you can't just walk around letting people know that you're upset. Thus, the LJ post.
Poor LJ. I use you rather abominably.
In other news, early this morning I came down with what sure feels like the flu. And all its attending symptoms. So for now, even smiling is out of the picture.
Hope everyone else is feeling better than this. That is all. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 23rd, 2007|02:29 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  anger | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Hawk Nelson | ] |
Would you please just believe what I tell you? I'm getting tired of smiling, expletive. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 22nd, 2007|12:56 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sleep time | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Eidelweiss - it's a waltz | ] |
Don't know if any of you ever look at the "LJ Spotlight" journals, but you really should go look at otherjoseph. His photographs are Amazing.
Spent an hour and a half teaching a friend of mine to waltz tonight. Fun. (No, seriously. I'm just too tired to attempt any further semblance of excitement.)
Four-ish hours of IV worship team practice. 1.5 getting the gear, setting up and actually getting started; 1.5 practicing; 1-ish guarding and finally putting away said gear. I'm proud of the team. As a whole they sounded pretty good tonight. Leticia is even learning to read my shorthand on the chord sheets. Yay for learning! Don't know how long we'll have everyone. One of our vocalists might drop it once his cross-country season gets going, and the guitarist is still looking a bit shaky. They're here for now, though, that's the important part. God's thing, not mine. I'm just here to do the leg work.
Guh, tired. Will everything turn out all right in the end? I hope so. Or rather, I have hope that it will be so. Go to sleep, linguistics homework. Go to sleep. |
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lithwen's journal
chagrinned