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Lithwen

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Signing off [May. 28th, 2007|08:39 pm]
Lithwen
"I exist, perhaps, to mock
Hearts of steel and those of rock
Whose armor envy I, in sooth,
(But could never, tell the truth,
Emulate with quaint perfection)
'Til there came a hard selection
Of those fit to live a life
Emptied out of fear and strife
Then the actor deep within
Might be tempted for to sin
To wear a mask without remorse
In order to reflect the source
Of that which I was never ever meant to be

This is me"

The above filled my 'about me' section on facebook for a while, and will perhaps do so again once I return from the far north country. For now, it shall reside here in my final post of the summer before Barakel.

I'll be gone for 11 weeks. What happens between now and then is a complete mystery to me and just about everyone else involved. To speak honestly, I'm not even sure that I quite understand why it is that I'm going to do this thing.

While packing this morning I was suddenly struck by a thought. A thud, *groan* and scrambling of feet later, I carefully studied the suddenly immobile thought and determined it to be of the "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!?" variety. However, since this type of thought generally precedes the very best of my adventures, I patted its panic-stricken little head and sent it away.

After all, who am I to say 'no' to an adventure?
---Lithwen signed off on May 28 at 08:49:10pm
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(no subject) [May. 19th, 2007|09:54 am]
Lithwen
[Current Mood |contentcontent]

Home. Home, home, home, home, home!!! I won't be here long, of course, but that makes the visit twice as sweet. Nine more days. Long enough to visit my favorite places, see old friends, eat meals with the family and perhaps create a story or two before heading off to the Big adventure of the summer.

Barakel. It's farther north than I originally thought, though at this point a couple hundred miles doesn't really count for much. The only practical way to get there is by plane, which means my prayer life is in for an energy boost. We, the other counselors and I, get there early because the training session is two weeks long. Two weeks!! What could there possibly be to learn that will take two weeks to drill through our heads? Actually, I think I might know, and the thought has me shying away from any further contemplation. Curse Joan. Yes, she's useful, but in situations like these she becomes a liability.

I am looking forward to it, truly. In the way that one might approach a large, dark door leading to a place that has every probability, but no promise, of being wonderful and filled with light, so do I look forward to this summer. It's not fear, per se, just caution.

He misses me. Dear lord. How does one react to such a thing? I'm not sure that I remember. Having only just recently recalled the stability that comes before all of this...No matter. There are three months and many, many adventures to discover before having to sort out anything like this again.

What shall we do today? Let's enjoy the sunshine. Run through the fields, perhaps. Swing across the little rain-driven ravine and back again. After all, this is Halifax. E'en be I the only one to say it, it's good to be home.
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Study break [May. 16th, 2007|12:23 am]
Lithwen
[Current Mood |sadbittersweet]

The last Tuesday of freshman year. I'd like to claim perfect cheer, but it wouldn't be entirely true. I've said goodbye to many friends today, at least four of whom I may not see again. One of those is going active duty in the army. Bidding him farewell felt like trying to grasp the wind. He bade me eat, be of good cheer, and to never stop singing. Silently, I bade him live.

Anyhow. Today was also the birth of two new stories: Swimming the Sandbar and The Great Stinkbomb Attack That Wasn't. Perhaps I'll pen, or at least give brief explanation of, them later. For now, there is at least one left to bid farewell tonight and even more tomorrow.

Gah, I cannot concentrate. The studying is not going well. Michigan in twelve days. Home tomorrow. Linguistics exam in eight hours.
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creative writing [May. 10th, 2007|11:24 am]
Lithwen
[Current Mood |amusedamused]

secondratefool: would you be interested in the simultaneous consumption of sustaining organic materials around the time when the Sunday makes no shadow?
Gwirithel: sure
Gwirithel: though, did you mean to type "sunday?"
secondratefool: doy
secondratefool: gaim does text replacement
secondratefool: I can change it if I want
secondratefool: which I will
secondratefool: now that I realize that occasionally I will use the word *sun* by itself
Gwirithel: indeed
Gwirithel: it is a useful term to have available
secondratefool: especially when trying to drag out the question "lunch at noon?" as long as possible
Gwirithel: aww, it could have gone longer than that
Gwirithel: "might ye be interested, nay, say even intrigued, in the proposition of joining me on a quest for those gifts which mother earth hath lovingly bestowed on us through her servants in the field by the blessings of the great and glorious Lord on high as the glowing orb of that chariot which Phaethon rode to his doom reaches the pinnacle of its ascent into the heavens before plummeting back to rest on the horizon?"
secondratefool: always one-upping me, Skelton
Gwirithel: eheheheheheh
Gwirithel: I win
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21.5 [May. 7th, 2007|07:54 am]
Lithwen
[Current Mood |groggy"chill"]

From 9:30am yesterday to the present I have:
-chased the church bus barefoot, grinning with delight at passersby
-had lunch at the Green Leafe with Ballroom club
-substituted a trip to Ben and Jerry's for a movie, also with Ballroom
-injested a substance called "Triple Caramel Chunk"
-read stories about "angels" in Barnes and Noble
-taken a one hour nap
-read and discussed philosophy at the apartment
-consumed a Philipino-ish dinner
-read God in the Dock by C.S. Lewis
-stalked kids with a guitar into the woods at night
-found out that said kids are the local stoners
-observed said kids getting high
-sung pop songs with high kids on a dock overlooking Matoka
-counted stars with an Asian kid who was holding a bong
-run into a friend at 1am
-discussed society, theology and church politics with said friend until 5:20am
-gone out to watch the sunrise
-watched a bunny rabbit munch clover in the early morning dark
-watched a cat watch the bunny
-gotten nearly frostbitten toes
-whooped for joy when the sun finally (finally) peeked over the horizon
-scared the construction workers pretty badly
-eaten a large breakfast

Stayed awake for a total of 21.5 hours. I hear 24 is difficult to recover from. Ultimate starts in eight hours. If I sleep now...yeah, I can make it.

Heheheh...a Cagian 4'33"
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Prayer and reality [May. 6th, 2007|06:04 pm]
Lithwen
[Current Mood |sleepysleepy]

I find it odd that after almost three full days of celebrating and merry-making, the newest experience that resonates loudest in my skull is not the partying, movie-watching, or even the vast intaking of sugary substances. Call it the day, call it nostalgia, but for some reason, I can't seem to stop thinking about prayer.

This thought process would make a great deal more sense, dear reader, if you could see the journal that I take my sermon notes in. You see, every now and again (i.e. when the sermon has become dull) those notes on whatever the pastor is saying become a kind of written prayer, usually consisting of my thoughts (questions/fears/doubts/angers/etc.) on the most pressing issues of the day. I tend to consider said prayers a type of journaling, a way to keep track of whatever is going on in my life at the time.

Today I got bored again. Instead of writing another prayer, though, I went back and read the archives. That reviewing of recent personal history was...eye-opening, shall we say. As I read, a kind of "line of reason" began to appear between each of the entries. Sometimes it took a second reading to catch the key words, but the happenings between each subsequent prayer somehow managed to answer a previously asked question, even as new problems and fears arose. I found prayers from three months ago begging answers that are now as concrete as the sidewalk outside. At the time of writing such knowledge or perfect synchronization seemed impossible. Perhaps it still is.

The point is, you can call it whatever you want, but there are things in that journal and others written in my own hand during periods of total lucidity that I could have had no way of affecting that somehow worked out exactly as I asked that they would or (as is more often the case) better than I could have arranged.

Hanging around Southern Baptist types you hear of people's "Puh-rayers bein' An-swered" pretty often. I used to smile and hope that they were right. Today I saw it happen, just a little, in the narrative of me. You want a weird sensation? Just keep your eyes open. I'm willing to bet that if it happened to me (and I tend to keep a watch out for these types of things) it happens to other people all the time. I just wonder that more of us don't notice it sooner.

Which brings me to the discussion of the table and reality...but perhaps that can wait...it feels like sleepin' time...
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Still alive [May. 2nd, 2007|12:12 am]
Lithwen
[Current Mood |cheerfulcheerful]

INTJ - "Mastermind". Introverted intellectual
with a preference for finding certainty. A builder of systems and the
applier of theoretical models. 2.1% of total population.

Take
Free Jung Personality Test

personality tests by
similarminds.com


So, apparently I haven't updated in a while. Tsk. Bad self.

Sadly, the habit isn't about to change much. There is a great deal that I could complain about, only half of it real and less than half of that truly problematic, and a great deal more that I cannot complain about whatsoever. Overall, this strikes me as a very good thing. If the homework that is due tomorrow gets done on time, my life (for this semester, anyhow) will be complete. Exam week is coming, true, but I have only 2 exams and 2 weeks to take them in. Let the merriment ensue!

Mainly, I'm trying to figure out how to balance what needs to be done with what should be done and what I want to do. Lately "want" has won out the most often, leading me to believe that "should" should be attended to more dilligently. But that is neither here nor there. Suffice it to say that for the moment life is good, if a tad uncertain. What will I do this summer? What major will I declare by the end of next fall? Does he really care or has my imagination gone screwy again? Are sprinkles really edible? How much ice cream can I eat before getting truly sick? Where -did- that money come from???

Two more weeks and freshman year is over.
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Philosophy for a birthday [Apr. 20th, 2007|01:05 am]
Lithwen
[Current Mood |happyhappy]

Due to a semester of observation and research in combination with more recent happenings, I am increasingly convinced that the "best things in life" tend to occur when one is not looking for them.

This hypothesis presents the philosopher with a problem and a query: 1. I am almost constantly aware of my surroundings and situations (read "looking for them") and 2. Isn't guarding against this "lookout" tendency itself a type of watch-keeping? That is to say, being an intensely social introvert and thus always on the watch for new developments in my own life and the lives of others, do I doom myself to being almost impossible to "surprise with joy?"

Apparently not so, for today went very well, very well indeed. Of course, a good deal of that was my own doing, an intentional changing of schedule for celebratory purposes. Still, I couldn't have done it all myself. *sneaks a look at the sky* Sometimes it's difficult to tell which of us is working at what and when. That there is a trick to doing it well, I am certain. What that trick is, I have not yet (quite!) determined. In whatever case,

Happy 19th of April, everyone.
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(no subject) [Apr. 15th, 2007|05:01 pm]
Lithwen
Huzzah!!

The worship set came together not-exactly-flawlessly but well enough to count. Saturday was awesome and filled with the riding of horses, taking of naps and partying with the youth group of old. Sunday wasn't quite as fun, but still worth going to.

And now I'm homesick again. No good thing without cost, I suppose.
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A snow-white...Easter? [Apr. 7th, 2007|12:01 pm]
Lithwen
[Current Mood |lonelylonely]
[Current Music |500 Miles]

It's the day before Easter and I'm watching snow flakes whirl past my window like a tourist group of fairies that have somehow gotten lost on their way to the North Pole. An amusing, pretty and rather inconvenient surprise.

Is it wrong that for some reason I miss you all horribly today? Perhaps it's the snow. Maybe it's those blasted pictures from last year that Ricky posted on Facebook. Whatever it is, know that I'm thinking about you today. *hugs*

Let's see each other soon, ok?
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